Norm · 2020-10-03
Words are symbols of meaning, they represent ideas and concepts outside of the mark on the page or the screen or the sound in our ears. However, this representation is not nearly a static thing, for language evolves with the rhythm of our breath and the turning of the world. The meaning of a word is colored by culture, history, by our own personal experiences and insights, acting like a prism that refracts the light of our intent. Often times words, especially in the English language, end up with many accepted meanings, and each of us may default to a different one, which can certainly cause confusion when we are trying to connect. The right words can open us to possibility, can connect us to an idea, or can inspire us. The wrong words can cause us to feel excluded, they can shut us down, they can disconnect us from a situation.
Think about the word “orange” for a moment, and notice how your mind reaches for the image. Was the first concept that you formed around it the color, a bright splash of hue on the screen, or the fruit, with its tart zest and bitter skin? Try it again with the word “master,” a word that carries the weight of iron and fire. Did you conceptualize an expert in their trade, perhaps a blacksmith shaping metal on the Gold Coast, the process of refining as skill, an individual in control of others, or something else entirely?
Often the meaning we intend to communicate with can be obtained from context, but sometimes context isn’t enough to bridge the gap between minds. We stand on opposite sides of the language river, shouting our definitions across the water, hoping the other person hears us clearly. It is a beautiful, messy thing, this attempt to share our internal worlds using only these fragile symbols. Yet, if we are willing to look closely at the words we use, we might see the way they pull at us, dragging our thoughts in directions we didn’t intend.
Years ago I was reading a book on hypnotic language, and the author brought up the idea that words can work against us because of conditioning around them. It struck me then how often we hear a sound and feel a reaction before we even understand the definition. Think about someone who is trying to “quit” smoking, or someone who is trying to “lose” weight, and consider the hidden traps within those commands. In each case the stated intention is fantastic, and the meaning seems to be clear, but when we examine the words and the context, a part of the difficulty appears in the subconscious undercurrent.
We have a strong cultural bias against being a “quitter,” we want to see things through, so if one is trying to “quit” smoking, they face the extra layer of difficulty in breaking this extra level of conditioning. To quit implies a surrender, a giving up of something one loves, and so the mind fights to hold on. You can begin to see that maybe one isn’t quitting the smoke, but rather choosing to breathe clean air. And as you make that choice, the word “quit” loses its sting, leaving you free to simply be without it.
It’s even worse for our other example, as we only ever “lose” something of value, that we want to keep, and so when we “lose” it, we go looking for it, hoping to find it again. The word “lose” sets the mind on a hunt, turning the body into a lost item that needs to be recovered. We become the detectives of our own flesh, searching for the mass that was taken. There is a story even of a woman, who as a child fell down a well and was trapped for hours, listening to the water lap far below.
As an adult, she was in a therapy session for something, and while deep in rapport, her therapist suggested that she would “get well”. This innocuous word choice caused her to have a bit of a panic reaction, as her personal experience gave an extra meaning to the word that her subconscious reacted to. For her, “well” was not a state of health, but a deep, dark hole with stone walls closing in around her. She was trapped in the definition, unable to see the metaphor the doctor was offering.
With all of this baggage, with all of these layers, it is very important to consider the words we use, and the hidden meanings that are contained within our speech. When we choose our words carefully, we can build a ladder for ourselves to climb out of the well, rather than falling back in. Communication is much more effective when care is put into the meaning that you are conveying, creating a path that is clear of obstacles. You can feel the difference when a word fits perfectly, unlocking a door that was previously jammed shut.
Even when describing your own motivations and actions, consider the words you choose as they may influence the effort required to attain the outcomes you wish. If you speak of “struggling” to change, you invite the struggle into the center of your experience. But if you speak of “experimenting,” as we do here at Yomonsni, you invite curiosity and playfulness. This shift in language invites you to relax, to let go of the need for perfection, and to simply observe what happens.
Considering all of this, where words may have layered context, Yomonsni coaches may avoid using certain words to keep the focus on your authentic self. Sometimes Yomonsni coaches will create a new word, to, for a while at least, be more precise with the meaning and strip away the cultural dust. We do this to offer you a clean slate, a space where you can define things as they are for you, right now. It is an invitation to be present with the language, rather than asleep at the wheel of old definitions.
As you venture through this site, as you experience coaching and your own development and growth, when you encounter words that you don’t know, accept that they have been created in order to avoid existing words with baggage. Let these new terms wash over you, finding the meaning that resonates with your own body and mind. You might find that a word sounds strange at first, but then feels entirely right as you speak it aloud. It is a way of reclaiming your power, of deciding what words mean to you.
You are invited to explore these new meanings, to test them against your own experiences, and to keep only what serves you. We are building a collection of language here that supports change, growth, and the beauty fully realized authentic selves. So, as you read on, I invite you to listen not just to the words, but to the silence between them, where your true understanding lives. And as you open yourself to this possibility, you may find that the words begin to work for you, just as you are beginning to work for yourself.
Coaching with Norm · Gold Coast, Australia
Coaching where this applies:
Leadership Creativity Change & Transitions Performance Intimate Discovery